So it happened in April. Dorian and I have now been married for over two years, and at this point, it has been over a year. We always said that we would wait at least a year before trying to have babies because we got married super quickly. We also wanted to get to know each other more and just have that time for ourselves.
During this time, I was just doing natural birth control, following my cycle. On the days that I was fertile, we would abstain from sex or pull out. And honestly, it did work.
Then one month, we said, “You know what? How about we just try?” We had sex that day, and then I checked, and I was like, “Oh shoot!” I was ovulating. I wasn’t exactly sure. A month later—28 days later—it’s time for my period to come, and it doesn’t come.
The Pregnancy Test
Two days passed, three days, four days—my period was late, and I was like, “Okay, this is kind of weird.” I remember one day I got a pregnancy test.
I came back home; I was alone. I had filmed this whole thing because I wanted to eventually come out and say, “Oh, I’m pregnant!”
So I was alone when I took the test, and it was positive. I was pregnant! So many emotions came through my body, through my mind, in that moment. I was nervous and excited. I remember I called my friend right away and told her, “I’m pregnant!” That was my instinct. I waited 24 hours before I told Dorian, and when I finally told him, he couldn’t believe it. We were both excited.
I never thought that I would get pregnant so quickly, to be honest, so it was a surprise for sure. At that moment, I was thinking, “Okay, I know that I want to become a mother,” but I also thought, “Oh my gosh, am I ready for it?”
Get Ready for a New Adventure
We decided to wait to tell our family. Then in the summer, we were in Mexico with my family and Dorian’s family, and we told everyone at the same time.
It was super cute: we gave everyone little boxes with a card that said, “Get ready for a new adventure.” They opened the box, and it was a raw vegan brownie with “Aunt,” “Uncle,” “Grandma,” or “Grandpa” written on it. Everyone got their box, and it was the cutest thing! Everyone was so happy.
I had been waiting to tell my friends, and eventually, the word spread to my extended family and Dorian’s extended family. Just two days after we got back from Mexico, I suddenly went to the bathroom and saw spotting. I was like, “Okay, that’s weird.” I knew it was normal to have a little bit of spotting, but I didn’t think much of it.
What is a Miscarriage like at 12 Weeks?
During my pregnancy, I never got nauseous. I was feeling good—just very tired at first. I was sleeping super early, waking up late, and having weird cravings, but nothing crazy.
I continued my normal life, working out and doing everything I was supposed to do while pregnant. Moreover, 12 weeks is considered safe because the whole body of the baby has formed at 12 weeks but unfortunately not for me.
Then I started to get some cramps. Two hours later, I went back to the bathroom, and there was more blood. I was like, “Okay, this is weird.” The cramping just got worse. That night was the worst; I was taking Advil and Tylenol for the pain. I went into a hot bath, did the castor oil packs, and used a heating pad—everything that I normally do when I get really bad cramps. But this time, it was like times a hundred.
Finally, it was 8 AM, and the cramping got super bad. I was bleeding more and more. So we rush to the hospital. With COVID restrictions, Dorian couldn’t even come with me. I went there alone, in so much pain. They gave me some pain medicine, and eventually, I went to the bathroom and had a lot of clots of blood.
Then they did the ultrasound; they didn’t find anything. They did a transvaginal ultrasound and still found nothing. At that point, most of the fetus had come out. I hadn’t even had my first appointment for an ultrasound because I was going to have it at 12 weeks.
There was no way to know what happened; it could have been that the heart stopped beating, or there was never a heartbeat.
Miscarriage at Hospital Bathroom
I stayed in the hospital for about eight hours that day. I was having what felt like birth contractions.
At one point, I went to the bathroom, and I saw it come out, which was traumatic. I left the hospital that day in shock. I lost the baby at almost 12 weeks, and I was hopeful for the future, trying again.
I know I’m not the only one that this happens to, and I need to take better care of myself. I’m going to get more blood work done and just see if anything’s going on with me. I know there are many reasons for having a miscarriage. Sometimes it’s just that something’s wrong with the placenta. Dorian and I were in shock; we weren’t processing it well that we had a miscarriage at 12 weeks.
Suddenly, I started hearing stories from women close to me like, “Oh, I had a miscarriage,” and Dorian’s grandma had a miscarriage too. All these women around me had had miscarriages that I never knew about. No one had ever talked to me about that. That’s when I learned it’s something people don’t talk about because it’s a painful loss.
Lessons Learned
Eventually, I didn’t even really tell my friends; everyone kind of found out. I didn’t feel like sharing it on social media because I felt guilty. I felt shame around it.
But I took the time to feel the sadness and pain. I took some days off from work and social media, and those days helped me. I learned that it’s okay to feel sad and to honor the life of what was.
One thing I’ve been working on is the fear of, “Is it gonna happen again?” or “Will I be pregnant again?” We’ve been actively trying for the past two months to get pregnant, and I know it will stick when it’s meant to be. I trust God, and I have faith that His plan for my life is perfect.
This experience has taught me so much. First of all, it taught me that I want to be a mom. It also taught me to be compassionate with myself, to feel each emotion, and to take better care of my body. Right now, I’m doing all the things I need to do. I’m getting all the blood tests, checking my hormones, and seeing my naturopath. If there are any imbalances, I know that if I do everything right, it’s going to happen.
A Call to Share
So that is my miscarriage story at 12 weeks. I wanted to share it with you because I know that it can be a lonely journey. It’s something people don’t talk about, and it’s common. It happens to many women, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that it’s a painful experience.
For me, having faith and trusting God is the most important thing. I feel secure in that faith and trust.
If you’re also on a journey like mine, know that you’re not alone. Sharing these experiences can help so many women. Thank you for reading my miscarriage at 12 weeks story, and I hope it brings comfort to anyone who needs it.